Ridge Read online

  “Ridge?” her soft voiced muttered as she stepped around the guy and walked toward me.

  “Yeah.” I rolled my eyes. Of course, I would get caught peeping. My fucking luck.

  “What are you doing?” She stepped up within a foot of my body, looking as if she wanted to continue, wanted to tuck herself into my arms like she always did, what came naturally to us, but she stopped herself. I wished in that moment she wouldn't have, that she would have kept moving and pressed herself against me so I could feel the tension melt from my body.

  “Who is this guy?” Her friend stepped up behind her, eyes narrowed and jaw clenched, looking for a fight.

  “It’s fine. An old friend.”

  “Want me to stay?” He placed a hand on the back of her neck. Possessive prick. Then I grinned when I realized I would have done the same thing.

  I watched her eyes flinch as his fingers kneaded her soft skin. Anger burned in my gut. I wanted it to be me. I always wanted it to be me with her.

  But who the fuck was I kidding? I had a girl waiting in my hotel room right now. Probably worried and wondering where I was, but I couldn’t bring myself to care.

  “I’m fine. I’ll see you tomorrow.” She turned and pecked him on the lips. His eyes searched hers for a moment. “Really.” She squeezed his arm.

  “’Kay, baby.” He pulled her into a hug, pressing his body to hers, planting a kiss under her ear. I turned and gritted my teeth. Shoved my hands in my pockets and took a few steps away from them.

  Finally, I heard him walk off and his vehicle start and pull away.

  “What are you doing, Ridge?” I heard the anger in her voice. It tore at my insides and had my fingers itching to touch her, to soothe away the pain.

  “I dunno,” I muttered.

  “You want to talk?”

  “You want to talk to me?” I turned and the full beauty of her hit me. The bright moonlight glinting off her dark hair, her tank top pulled snug over her curvy little body, highlighting the swell of her breasts, the nip at her waist.

  “Of course. If you’re not okay . . .” she murmured and stepped closer. Close enough that I could smell her. Her presence infiltrating mine. If the bourbon hadn’t already made my head foggy, her scent would have. The high from being so near her—I was drunk off it, just like always.

  “I haven’t been okay since you left.”

  “I didn’t leave,” she ground through her teeth and crossed her arms over her chest. My eyes flicked up to hers, her light green depths glinting with anger. “You kicked me out.”

  “You’ve moved on?”

  “Haven't you?” Stab, right in the gut. She was referring to Amy, probably curled up in my sheets right now.

  I heaved a sigh, ran a hand through my hair, and gave a soft pull. I looked up at the moon, worked my jaw back and forth and debated what to say to her, if there was anything I could say to heal either of us.

  “I shouldn’t be here.”

  “You’re right; you shouldn’t.”

  “I’m fucked up, My.”

  Her eyes flickered up to mine, then softened when I used my nickname for her. My. The name I called her when she knew I was vulnerable.

  “Don’t do this. You ruined us. I’m just . . . I’m trying to get past what we were.”

  I only nodded. She felt like I felt, but she looked a fuck of a lot better for it.

  “I know. I know. It’s just . . .” I paused, searching for what I wanted to say. I shoved my hands in my suit pants and walked a few steps to the end of the cul-de-sac that looked out over the rocky coast and Atlantic beyond. “Lane got married today.”

  “I know.”

  “I miss you so fucking much.” I fisted my hands in my pockets. I felt her step up behind me, run a hand over my shoulders, down one arm, before she looped her arm into my elbow and leaned into me.

  She rested her head against my bicep, her scent flowing through my nostrils, every inhale was her. Every breath I sucked in, I couldn’t escape her. I didn’t want to.

  “I’m fucked, My.” I turned and wrapped her in my arms. My eyelids burned as I ducked my head down to rest my chin on her head, push my nose into her hair, and take her into me, get my fill of her. Just for tonight. Just for this moment.

  “Are you doing okay? Are you . . .?” I knew what she was asking.

  Are you on anything?

  She knew my history, knew I walked a razor-thin edge of sobriety.

  “I’m clean. Smoking two packs a day and drinking like a fish, but I’m not on drugs.” I ran my hands up and down her back, felt each ridge of her spine as I relished having her right here. The calming presence she had over me was unlike any other.

  I finally pulled away, my brain was in a different place, existing on another plane where it was just Mia and me, the only way I ever wanted it to be.

  “You okay?” I took her hand in my own, ran my thumbs over her wrists, soothing away any pain. Searching for any sign that she wasn’t.

  “I’m okay.” She pulled away, her eyes blazing into mine—holding my own—blue and green waging some silent war. A challenge, for what I didn’t know.

  I pushed one hand into her hair, wrapped my palm around her neck, and held on tightly, like she was the only thing keeping me tethered to this life. I wasn’t even all convinced that she wasn’t.

  “Ridge.”

  “I know,” I muttered and leaned in, taking her lips so softly against my own, like silky pillows, pliant flesh that pressed against mine. She opened for me, without hesitation, and I thrust my tongue in, tasting her. Needing to feel her again, needing to feel anything again.

  She moaned and pressed her little body tighter against me, running her hands up my neck and into my hair.

  “Jesus,” I murmured and gripped her thighs, hoisting her up on my hips, her legs wrapped around my waist. I took long strides, her ass firmly planted in my hands, our lips locked and ravaging at each other. Finally, her back landed against an old maple tree, the bark smooth from years of being beaten by the wind and waves off the ocean.

  “Please,” she moaned and ground her pelvis against me, seeking relief from the throb that I hoped had worked its way between her legs.

  “There’s no noes tonight. It’s just you and me.” I pulled away and nailed her with my eyes. I needed her to understand that if we started this, I couldn’t be trusted to stop. My body craved her like air to fucking breathe. She nodded her head in a quick yes before I pressed my hips against her, locking her against the tree, and pulling her tank top over her head. My eyes flicked down her body, before I pulled down the cups of her bra, pushing the flesh of her beautiful tits up, the nipples dark and hard, begging for attention.

  I ducked my head and sucked one into my mouth, drew on it, and nipped it between my teeth as I kneaded the flesh, before showering attention on the other one. She moaned and writhed as her hands tightened in my hair.

  I stepped away for a minute and a whimper escaped her throat at the loss of contact. She slid down the tree and I unbuttoned her shorts and thrust my hand inside.

  “No panties, Mia? Did he touch you? Did you fuck him tonight?” I growled and thrust my hand between her legs, running my fingers between her soaking wet lips. She shuddered as she shook her head no.

  “Tell me he didn’t have this tonight.” I couldn’t take it if he had. Couldn’t be liable for what I'd do. I’d kill him. Fucking kill him, but first, I’d cut off his dick and make him choke on it.

  “No, he didn’t.”

  Fury shot through my veins as my eyes bore into her.

  “I promise,” she murmured and her eyes softened as she brought her hand to my cheeks, smoothing them along the stubble at my jawline. “He didn’t.” And just like that, she calmed me. My hand slid between the lips of her pussy. Here she was, putting her arousal aside, to soothe me. Taming the beast. She was my ringmaster. Always.

  I swallowed as I let her soothing presence seep through my body and relax every nerve.

 
; “I would have killed him,” I muttered.

  “Well, now you don’t have to.”

  My eyes flickered open. I could hear the sarcasm in her voice. Her lips were tipped into a grin, green eyes glistening with amusement.

  “Think that’s funny?” I murmured, but couldn’t keep one corner of my mouth from tipping up.

  “Very. Like you could ever—” The words froze in her throat before they'd even tumbled out. Fear stabbed me in the gut again and brought it all crashing down on me. I swallowed and tried to get us back on track.

  “Shut that pretty mouth of yours and let me fuck you.” I thrust my fingers into her searing hot cunt and pushed in and out. She arched against the tree, her head thrown back, neck exposed. I swirled my thumb along her pulsing clit and ducked in, nipping at the smooth line of her neck before licking the pain away. I continued my assault, nipping, biting, licking, and soothing as she whimpered and moaned before coming undone all over my fingers. Her hands clutched my shoulders as she rode her orgasm against the tree that overlooked the ocean.

  Before she had the chance to come down I shoved her shorts down her legs and unzipped my own pants, freeing my cock. I yanked a condom out of my pocket and let the foil flutter to the ground as I rolled it onto my dick.

  “Hold on, baby,” I growled as I lifted her around my waist and impaled her with my aching erection. She arched at the fullness, her eyes wide as if she didn’t expect the intrusion, before they clouded over with lust.

  “Ridge,” she murmured and held on, her arms around my neck as I started moving my hips, pounding into her. The fog filled up my brain, all the pain and memories gone, and all I could feel was her, hot and tight around me, her moans floating in the air around us, her hair swinging down her back, heels digging into my ass.

  She yanked my shirt out of my pants and ran her hands up my back, digging her nails into my skin and pulling so hard that my back screamed in pain. There was my girl. The one who fucked me right back when I fucked her like an animal. We came unhinged together.

  Her moans and sharp nails digging into me pushed me on, and I fell a little deeper, thrusting and grinding my hips, slamming in, hitting the end of her, before yanking back out nearly all the way and pounding in again. I was searching for the relief only she could give, the high that came with fucking her, getting off with her, watching her get off on me.

  “God, baby,” I grunted as I dragged my teeth down the shell of her ear before catching on her earlobe and pulling. A soft groan escaped her throat when I nipped at the flesh of her neck, pinching just enough to leave a mark before moving on. She whimpered before release tightened and then relaxed her body. Her pussy milking my dick in soft waves sent my own release pulsing through my spine, before angry spurts released into the condom and had my head foggy with pleasure. The high pulsed through my system as I slowed my thrusts and rested against her body, my hand supporting both of us against the tree trunk.

  We sat there for long minutes, our breaths heaving, the sticky sweat pooling on our skin from our fucking and the humid night air. My heart thundered in my chest as I took these final moments with her. Sucked them deep in, sucked her in through every pore to hold onto.

  She was my high. She was my drug. That right there was better than anything I’d ever put in my body before.

  But that was it.

  I would soon be walking away.

  This was the part I hated. The part where your wits come back to you. You both begin to move, shake your legs, stretch your arms, and come down from the wild fucking. I sucked in a long breath against her neck, licked at the hollow of her throat—scenting her, tasting her, taking a piece of her with me.

  I pulled her off me, felt the slow drag of my softening dick as her pussy pulsed and I stroked her last nerves. I set her feet on the ground and tugged the condom off and tossed it into the woods. I zipped my pants before looking back at her, her shorts pulled up her legs, lifting her tank top from the ground.

  “Jesus Christ, I’m so sorry.” I moved to her to run my fingertips down the scratches from the bark of the tree against which we’d just fucked. She turned and tried to strain her neck to see.

  “It’s okay.”

  “It’s not. Fuck, I thought the bark was soft.” I ran my palm against the tree and found little barbs, like course sandpaper. “Do you want some help? I can put peroxide on it or . . .?”

  “It’s fine, Ridge.” And there it was. The tone of her voice. The dismissal. She’d closed off.

  “I—”

  “Really.” She pulled her shirt over her shoulders and then turned on me. I stood there speechless, watching her in the shadows cast from the silver moonlight. What was I supposed to say? What did she expect? I knew what my normal reaction would be in a moment like this, but this wasn’t just anyone; this was Mia.

  “I’ll see you later.” She paused for a moment longer, waiting. I knew she was waiting, the words pooled around in my mouth, on my tongue; they were right there, so close to tumbling out. I swallowed the lump that had formed in my throat and, with it, the words she’d been hoping to hear.

  Stay.

  I love you.

  I can't live without you.

  I couldn’t say them. I couldn’t say anything.

  My brother and his beautiful life, with his wide, toothy grin and arctic blue eyes flitted across my vision and I steeled my jaw.

  She saw the anger in me, could read me like a fucking book.

  Without another word, she turned on her heel and walked the few yards back to her house and disappeared into the front door. I stood motionless. Still. My feet cemented beneath me.

  I turned my head to take in the rolling waves crashing against the dark rock of the shoreline. The moon lit the water like shimmery silver. I rubbed my palm over my face, feeling the rough stubble, closing my eyes and sucking in a breath of the salty sea air, before walking down the street the few blocks to the hotel where my girlfriend was waiting for me.

  And the irony wasn’t lost on me, that I’d fucked my brother’s ex-fiancée on his wedding day. A new low. The lows just kept getting lower. Broken conscience. I was convinced that I was born that way.

  By the time I’d walked back to the hotel, my buzz had worn off from the alcohol and I was high on Mia. Her scent on my skin. The scent of our bodies coming together feverishly. My body fucking craved her, but my brain knew better. I knew that I’d taken a step forward with my brother and, just like that, just seeing her little heart-shaped face, had me falling two steps behind again.

  But I was over it. So fucking over it.

  None of this was working. The drinking, the smoking, the fucking, the relationships.

  None of it was working and I was ending it with Amy. Maybe even tonight, if she was still awake.

  I steeled myself for a confrontation. I looked at the watch on my wrist as the hotel came into view. After three in the morning. I’d been gone for hours, and Amy was surely pissed, or worried, or both.

  Probably both.

  I was a fucking asshole of epic proportions.

  I walked through the doors and started the ascent up the carpeted stairs to the second floor.

  I fumbled with the key card as quietly as I could, not wanting to wake her if she’d fallen asleep. I dropped my wallet on the side table and the door slammed a little too loudly as I entered. I mentally chastised myself. Maybe I’d been hoping to avoid this conversation until morning, or until we got back to Portland.

  Riding three hours in a car with a chick after a break up didn’t sound like my idea of a good time.

  I loosened the tie around my neck before pulling it over my head and stepping into the separate sleeping area.

  There was Amy, curled up under a thin sheet, hair spilled out across the pillows.

  She fucking told me she loved me, and here I’d fucked my ex and was crawling back into the room I was sharing with her. I had half a mind to leave now, walk straight out of her life because she deserved so much better.
r />   I slowly peeled out of the shirt that was rumpled and damp from the humidity and from Mia’s body being pressed to mine. I chewed on my lower lip and ground my teeth together as I considered my next step.

  I was ending it. I had no choice. I was toxic. She deserved to find someone who would love her like she loved me. Like I loved Mia. Although I'd treated her like shit too.

  “Where were you?” The light flicked on and Amy sat up, eyes puffy from crying, on the edge of the bed.

  “Fuck, sorry I woke you.”

  “Where the fuck were you?” She leapt off the bed and came at me.

  “Fuck, I was walking.”

  “Bullshit.”

  “I'm not doing this now, Amy. I'm taking a shower, go to bed, we'll talk in the morning."

  Her eyes flared as she stepped closer. “Why the fuck do you need a shower, Ridge?” She leaned in closer, ran her nose along the line of my neck. “You smell like . . .” Her eyes widened. “You fucking prick.” She shoved at my chest and launched my drunken ass across the room. “You fucked someone didn't you?”

  “Fuck, no. Jesus.” I ran a hand through my hair. I felt utterly pathetic, the lies flying out of my mouth right and left.

  “Was it her?” Her jaw tightened as she stepped closer. I vaguely had the thought that if my dick wasn't so worn out from plowing into Mia, I would find Amy's attitude really fucking hot right now.

  A smirk crossed my face at that thought.

  “It was. You fucking asshole.” She fisted her hand and threw a punch hard enough to leave an ache in my bicep.

  “It wasn't anyone. Nothing happened. Fuck, go to bed, Amy.” I turned and ran a hand over my face and headed to the mini bar and grabbed the mini bottles of vodka, the only thing available. I’d polished off everything else. I usually avoided vodka: hated it, drank too much of it, had too many bad experiences associated with it when I was young, but it was all I had.

  “This isn't over. I've closed my fucking eyes for a long time, but it's all changed now. I'm not putting up with whatever fucking ghost is haunting you.” She flicked off the lamp and launched herself under the covers.